


Honey, Til I Die You'll Have Me Too

by Ithinkwehaveanemergency



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5 Times, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Old Man Steve, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 15:47:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18759505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithinkwehaveanemergency/pseuds/Ithinkwehaveanemergency
Summary: Five of Bucky's Friday nights in the months following the battle of Upstate New York.“You stayed for me?”  Sam's voice is a whisper.  His eyes are more open and vulnerable than Bucky has ever seen.“Eh.”  Bucky smirks, trying to escape the heaviness of the conversation.  “Mostly didn't wanna go back to an era where I wasn't an honorary citizen of Wakanda.   God, I love that place .”





	Honey, Til I Die You'll Have Me Too

**Author's Note:**

> Title from a Brother Sundance song.

It becomes a weekly habit.

 

They go to Nat's memorial, crack open a beer or two for their fallen and unwind after the frantic week of attempting to get their world back in order.  (Maybe stop by and check in on Pep and Morgan afterward.)

 

It's usually a fairly quiet event, just enjoying the peaceful silence together.

 

After about a month, Sam says something one week in the middle of his second beer.

 

“D'you know I thought I was in love with her for a little while?”  Sam speaks low, as if trying not to disturb the comfortable peace they've got going.  The words are a bit slurred, the beer having a decent effect on his low alcohol tolerance.

 

Bucky turns to Sam abruptly.

 

“You guys-” Bucky cuts himself off as quick as he hears the edge of jealousy tinting his words.

 

“Nah.  It was only a very _very_ short while.  And it was like… probably just hero worship, kind of.”  Sam shakes his head. “This old, greasy haired, _assassin_ _motherfucker_ sort of distracted me from my quest to woo the most badass redhead to ever walk the earth.”

 

Bucky doesn't have a response to that.  He knows Sam doesn't resent him for who he was, but it still stings, knowing how much he derailed the lives of the people who are now his entire world.

 

“I was like Harry Potter in Half-Blood Prince.”  Sam speaks again. He giggles, mostly to himself.  “Slowly losing interest in everything around me, and rapidly becoming obsessed with the elusive bad guy.”

 

“I've only read the first three books.”  Bucky deadpans. Sam rears back and looks at him in earnest surprise.  Bucky smiles then, soft and fond and he recalls his short time in Wakanda.  “Shuri got me all of them for my hut while I was recovering. Said I had to catch up to the real world after I asked her who the ‘Snape’ guy she kept comparing me to was.”

 

Sam barks out a laugh and doubles over in his seat.

 

Bucky lets him wheeze a bit at that, trying to cover how happy the sight of Sam's laughter makes him with an exaggerated frown.

 

“I mean… I don't hate the comparison when you consider the actor.”  Bucky shrugs.

 

Sam’s face lights up even more at that.

 

“You watched the  _ movies _ too?”

 

“Shuri made me come up to her apartment to watch with her when I finished each one.”  Bucky nods. “I was almost to the end of number 4, and Shuri was very excited. Said her favorite white boy is in that movie.  I was offend. I thought  _ I _ was her favorite white boy.  She pretty much just made a face that implied I was delusional.”

 

Bucky pouts idly, and Sam shakes his head in disbelief.

 

“It's like I don't even know you!”  Sam whispers to himself.

 

*****

 

It's another month later when they have a serious talk again during the ritual visit to the memorials upstate.

 

They're sitting a bit closer to each other than usual, and when Sam lets his knee knock into Bucky's, the super soldier relaxes into it, pressing the outsides of their thighs more firmly together.

 

“This can't happen, can it?”  Bucky sighs, crossing his arms and looking out to the horizon.

 

The shock of the question, and confirmation of his suspicion that his feelings aren't so one-sided, sobers Sam a bit.  He gives Bucky an curious glare at his strange timing.

 

“Who says I want it to?”  Sam huffs out, taking a sip of his barely touched drink.

 

“You shouldn't.”  Bucky doesn't miss a beat, but he still has an obvious confident air that tells Sam he hasn't been at all subtle with his attraction to Bucky over the last month or so.  (Or possibly ever.)

 

They sit in silence for a bit, not moving.

 

This time, it's Sam who heaves a sigh, pulling his beer up to his lips to finish it off.

 

“Yeah, I know, man.  I obviously know I shouldn't.”  Sam says after he's placed the bottle down on the grass next to the full case of beers that Bucky hasn't bother touching.  “But I can't for the life of me find a good reason why. So... I don't necessarily think it  _ can't _ happen.”

 

Bucky turns to him, arching a doubtful eyebrow.  The lines in his forehead push high up into his hairline.  It makes Sam laugh a little, fondly.

 

“It's just a helluva bad idea, considering we're partners now.”  Sam answers, quirking the corners of his mouth down and shrugging.  He focuses back on the horizon, where the sun has completely disappeared.  “I need you, Barnes. I ain't gonna be any good at this without you by my side.”

 

S.H.I.E.L.D. is back up and running.  They've just broken to the world, using the media-beloved Hulk for the announcement, the news that Sam Wilson, formerly known as the Falcon, is the new Captain America.

 

It hasn't gone exactly  _ well _ , so far.

 

Up to that point, the world hadn't known about the disappearance of Steve Rogers.  But despite the shock and heartbreak and outrage of some, there were droves of support coming in from certain military groups and more liberal states, and all of Wakanda.

 

It would get better.

 

Because Sam Wilson is everything Captain America represents.  And Bucky plans on making sure everyone, including Sam, realizes it.

 

“You would.  I know you would.”  Bucky’s voice is firm, like he needs Sam to know that he deserves this.  That there's no one better for the job. “But if I wasn't planning on sticking by your side, I would’ve gone with Steve when he offered.”

 

“He  **_what_ ** ?”  Sam sits up straight and shifts so that he's facing Bucky, or at least as much as he can be without getting out of his seat.

 

Bucky laughs and pulls a hand through his hair, mussing up his middle part and leaving it looking frustratingly windswept and glamorous.

 

Or maybe Sam just moved too quickly for how inebriated he is.

 

“He told me he wasn't coming back, and he asked if I wanted to come with him… Start over.  But I think he was pretty thrilled about it when I said that Captain America still needed me around.”

 

Sam stares, open mouthed.

 

“You're fucking with me.”  He says finally, even though he knows that Bucky wouldn't ever make up something like that.  Bucky confirms that with another arched-eyebrow-of-disbelief.

 

Sam keeps staring at Bucky, eyes darting all over the man's comically condescending facial expression, trying to figure out how they got to where they are.

 

“You stayed for me?”  Sam's voice is a whisper.  His eyes are more open and vulnerable than Bucky has ever seen.

 

“Eh.”  Bucky smirks, trying to escape the heaviness of the conversation.  “Mostly didn't wanna go back to a era where I wasn't an honorary citizen of Wakanda.   _ God, I love that place _ .”

 

Sam isn't phased by the joke.  He doesn't laugh. He keeps looking at Bucky with those earnest eyes.

 

Bucky grabs a beer and looks in front of them.

 

“You stayed for me.”  Sam whispers, this time with teasing, satisfied finality, and looks forward into the sunset with his partner.  “Well, then… Maybe one day, when things settle down.”

 

Bucky is more than willing to accept that.

 

*****

 

“I miss him, too.”  Bucky says, a couple weeks later.

 

Sam doesn't respond.

 

They'd had a bad day.  Fury had said something about how they needed to be better.  He lectured them on how much was resting on their shoulders with everyone gone, to restore faith in S.H.I.E.L.D. and make way for the new team of Avengers the director is planning to put together.

 

Sam had then initiated a yelling match with Fury, which had ended with Sam telling the director to go get his “Precious Mr. Rogers” back if they didn't like the way he was representing the shield.

 

Bucky had pulled him out of the building and brought him home to cool down, but he hadn't said a word since.

 

“I know he's not like… dead.”  Bucky shrugs and Sam snorts beside him.  “But I still miss having him on my team. I miss fighting by his side.  I did it for so long, Sam, and it feels like I'm missing a limb when I realize he's not here.”

 

Sam snorts again, laughing fully this time.  Bucky loves that sound. When it fades, Sam sits and stares at his hands.

 

“Do you regret staying?”  He whispers, just barely loud enough for Bucky to hear.

 

Bucky scoots closer and threads the fingers of his right hand through Sam's left.

 

“Never.”  Bucky says.  Sam looks at him with tired eyes, and Bucky smiles, just as tired.  “But I  _ would've _ regretted leaving.  Everyday.”

 

Sam's mouth turns down, trying to believe his partner.  He nods.

 

“It wasn't a hard choice, Sam.”  Bucky adds. “I know you think it was.  I know you seem to think I gave up something.  But I didn't.”

 

“You gave up your goddamn  _ soulmate _ .”  Sam scoffs.

 

Bucky laughs softly and shakes his head.  Sam squints at him, confused.

 

“I got an email from Steve like… three days ago.  And even when that cranky old geezer kicks the bucket, I’m still gonna have a lifetime with him that I remember more and more of everyday.”  Bucky shrugs. “I didn't give up  _ shit _ .  I miss him being here with us, Sam.  But going back to a time I'm not even really from?  Starting from scratch? That didn't even appeal to me.”

 

Sam considers Bucky for a moment.

 

“So, you  _ didn't  _ stay for me.”  Sam accuses with narrowed eyes.

 

Bucky bursts into laughter and leans into a smirking Sam.  He rests his head on Sam's shoulder and pulls their joined hands up so that he can kiss Sam's knuckles.

 

“Eh, I might've.”  He hums coyly, smiling at the setting sun.

 

*****

 

A long, exhausting, but peaceful few more weeks pass and for the first time, Sam has to miss one of their ritual nights at Nat's memorial.

 

There's a S.H.I.E.L.D. meeting.  The directive is up and running again.  Captain Marvel has become the face of international affairs alongside Sam, T'Challa and a reluctant Peter Parker as the face of Earth's affairs.

 

The four superheroes have a meeting with good old Secretary Ross and Nick Fury somewhere at an undisclosed location.

 

So, Bucky goes alone.

 

And when he gets there, he sees a familiar grey haired man sitting on his and Sam's usual bench.

 

Bucky smirks and sits beside his best friend.

 

“Sam called.”  Steve says, taking the beer Bucky holds out for him.  “Said you probably wouldn't mind some company while he was out of the country.”

 

“I never mind your company, old man.”

 

“Watch it.”  Steve elbows Bucky.  “I could probably still beat you in a right arm armwrestling match.”

 

Bucky isn't sure that's true, but he doesn't want to put his money where his mouth is either.

 

They sit in silence for a while, nothing that needs to be caught up on.  They email enough. Steve knows pretty much everything important going on with Sam and his new position as Cap.  And well, according to Bucky, that's the important stuff.

 

“I talked to Maria Hill the other day.”  Steve offers up after a few minutes. Bucky nods, but doesn't show any other reaction.  “She said she's seen you interacting with other members of S.H.I.E.L.D. on a regular basis.  She said you're downright  _ pleasant. _ ”

 

“Well, I do work with them.”  Bucky grunts, sipping his beer.

 

Steve chuckles softly next to him and leaves it at that, happy to return to the silence if that's what Bucky prefers.

 

It takes all of two minutes for Bucky to crack.

 

“There's this… woman.”  Bucky sighs, but doesn't expound on her significance.

 

“Need a bit more, Buck.”  Steve whispers in his cheeky, exaggerated old-man voice that Bucky hates.

 

“She’s nice.  She treats me nice.  She likes me.” Bucky explains.  He grumbles the last bit, then takes a deep breath.  “I think she asked me out. I mean, I don't know what it's like to be asked out, so I could be wrong.  But I'm pretty sure she asked me out.”

 

“Okay.”  Steve nods.  “And what did Sam say?”

 

Bucky isn't surprised that Steve knows.  He thinks Steve knew before Bucky did. Back when they first all sat down together, after Starks funeral.  When Steve was still one of them and they were allowed to just be thankful that they were all still standing.

 

“He said I should go out with her if I want to.”

 

Bucky looks up at old-man Steve and wills him to tell him what to do.  To tell him what the right answer is. This world is so hard to just live in.  Bucky doesn't know how he's supposed to learn to navigate the social aspects of his life without his dumb not-so-little best friend.

 

“I don't suppose that'd be fair to the woman.”  Steve says, slowly, cautiously. He looks at Bucky with the same righteous do-gooder look on his face he's always had, ever since they were kids.  “Or to you, Buck.”

 

Bucky swallows and looks away.

 

“He told me about Riley.”  Buck says, voice quiet and sad.

 

Steve nods, understanding what Bucky means.

 

“Sam has a lot on his plate, Buck.”  Steve leans closer, nudging Bucky again.  “But don't hurt yourself because of your fear of putting pressure on him.  I'm not saying to push him-”

 

“I can wait.”  Bucky cuts Steve off, nodding.

 

“Shouldn't wait til it's too late, Buck.”  Steve shakes his head. “I just want you to be happy.  Both of you.”

 

Bucky gives him a tight smile and throws and arm around the back of the bench to squeeze his shoulder.

 

“Fine.  I'll try not to wait until after you croak.”

 

Steve socks him in the gut.

 

*****

 

A couple months pass, and they both miss a week here and there, but for the most part, the ritual continues as often as they can help it.

 

It's still a majority comfortable silence, like they don't want to pollute this time of reflection with their everyday worries.

 

One week, six months after the first time they sat on the bench together, Bucky blurts out something that's been on his mind for weeks.  Something he'd realized turning down a date with the woman from S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ.

 

“I want to marry you.”

 

Sam freezes.  He'd had a bottle of beer halfway to his mouth, and his arm holds it in place, exactly where it was when Bucky spoke those words.  Sam turns his neck to look at Bucky like he's lost his mind.

 

“Are you fucking  _ proposing _ to me?”  Sam hisses out, nearing on hysterical.

 

“No!”  Bucky faces him bodily, twisting on the bench.  He puts his hands up in front of him in a placating gesture.  “No, I just meant… I was trying to tell you that… that's my end game here.  That's what I want one day. With you. And I know we said we weren't gonna do this, but the fact that we  _ aren't  _ doing this hasn't made me any less hopelessly in love with you.”

 

Sam has to fumble to not drop his beer bottle as he shakes his head and looks around like he expects someone to be hearing this, some sort if or off that Sam isn't hearing things.

 

“Bucky!  What?” Sam sets the bottle on the ground and stands up, pacing in front on Bucky and their bench.  “You don't just spring something like this on a guy in the middle of Friday afternoon beers, Barnes.  I can't get you to talk about your feelings on the  _ best _ of days and now you're talking about  _ love _ ?!”

 

He stops and looks at Bucky and notices the man looks crestfallen, ashamed even, and Sam's chest aches.

 

“No, Buck, I'm sorry- No, come here.”  Sam rambles and reaches for his friend and partner, pulling him up into a tight hug.  

 

He breathes in the rough skin of Bucky's cheek then pulls away to kiss the same spot.  He trails kisses along the man's stubble, moving closer to his mouth and then  _ finally _ they're kissing.

 

Bucky is kissing him like it's the first bit of air he's had to breathe after being held underwater.  He holds Sam oh-so-gently by his ribs, but presses insistently, forcefully with the rest of his body, trying to be closer to Sam as they move their lips against each other and dive deeper into the long-awaited kiss.

 

Sam pulls back because he has to, because breathing is hard to do when you're so desperately joined at the mouth.

 

“Okay,”  Sam rasps out,  “Yeah, let's do this.  Fuck it. We're grown ass men.  We won't let it get in the way of work.  We can do this.”

 

“Yeah?”  Bucky grins, kissing Sam quick again and then pressing their foreheads together.

 

“Yeah.”  Sam laughs, then pulls away enough to squint at Bucky.  He quirks an eyebrow. “Not the getting married thing, though.  Obviously. That's a- _whole_ -nother discussion.”

 

Bucky laughs, loud and delighted and then nods, pulling Sam in for a hug.

 

They stand there just holding each other until Sam complains that his poor human knees hurt and could really use a bed right about now.

 

Bucky makes a show of throwing Sam over his shoulder and carrying him to the car, and Sam laughs the entire way.


End file.
